I’ve spent the last two weeks being what I considered a slug. That means sometimes wearing my nightgown until afternoon, reading, watching MSNBC and movies, organizing my studio but not creating any art, eating cookies and other goodies, getting fat and working a difficult puzzle.
I feel guilty because I was raised in a protestant ethic household where no one ever sat still. My father worked almost all the time in his office or with his land development work or in the extensive yard. We had 40 acres in the beginning, then 5 after he built a subdivision out of our farm. My mother worked in the home, drove me around to music, art and dance lessons, to school, went to college and did volunteer work. She did, however, spend an excessive amount of time on the phone. I had to arise at least by 7:00 and on school days by 6:00 so I could practice piano before breakfast. I also took flute lessons and had to practice at least an hour or two or three daily. I played in the Atlanta Community Orchestra and did professional playing jobs by the age of 17.
Nowadays I am old (almost 75) and in my mind I am 25. In my body I feel as though I’m 80 so that things I used to do make my back hurt or wear me out early in the evening. I make paintings with watercolor and make floor cloths now and on a good day I spend the whole day in my studio or out taking painting classes. – I don’t play music anymore because I never did do it for pleasure – always for work. People think it’s odd that I can just do art and not music, but it’s easy for me to let that go. I do play the piano now and then.
So…..my point is……I feel guilty. We lost our son in June of this year (2018) and I find myself sitting at my work table staring out at the trees and bamboo outside, thinking about nothing in particular. I guess that’s okay. I don’t know…..